Impending Changes To The Department Of Defense Under The Command Of Secretary-Designate Robert M. Gates

• increase budget for The Committee On Euphemisms For ‘Kill’
  
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• expand Eagle Scout merit badge requirements to include Bomb Defusion, Domestic Eavesdropping, and Advanced Interrogation Technique
  
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• relieve international tensions with massive Chili’s Grill & Bar expansion in Middle East
  
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• initiate annual bonfire of shredded documents in center of Pentagon
  
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• re-arm Nicaraguan Contras, send them to Iraq