Today's Lucky Numbers

15

2

98

304

22 

Rejected Forms Of Wrapping Christmas Presents For My Friends And Relatives, And The Respective Organizations That Disallowed Them

inside flaming steel cage coated in oil (City of Bettendorf)

bacon-wrapped (Scott County Health Department)

encased in a beehive (State of Iowa Department of Agriculture)

boxed in a Cuban cigar humidor (United States Department of State)

surrounded by armed Sudanese pre-teens (United Nations)

Revised BCS Rankings And Bowl Matchups (Adjusted For Fox Televsion)

Tostitos and Ford Present The 2007 Burger King National Championship Product Bowl Presented By Reebok, Energizer Batteries, and Chase
#1 Ohio State vs. #2 USC Featuring Famous Alumni O.J. Simpson

The Tupperware Resealable Bowl Presented By myspace.com
#1 Ohio State (practice squad) vs. #3 Michigan

The FedEx Parcel-Containing Bowl (round-robin format)
#4 Florida vs. n/a Florida State
n/a Florida State vs. n/a Miami
n/a Miami vs. #4 Florida

The Texas Bowl Of Fritos And Dr. Pepper
#22 Texas vs. n/a Dallas Cowboys

The Rust-Oleum Carnation Bowl Brought To You By Pizza Hut 5-For-$5
#8 Notre Dame vs. TBA

The Idaho Potato Council Bowl (webcast only)
#9 Boise State vs. n/a Utah (2004 team)

 

Other Bans Enacted By The New York City Board of Health And The Respective Diseases That Will Be Prevented

yelling (Reinke's edema, laryngitis)

jawbreaker consumption (mandibular fracture, dental caries, asphyxiation)

Christmas tree and menorah illumination (erythema, immolation)

axe-wielding (chronic self-amputation, apotemnophilia, dismemberment syndrome)

Top Ten Movies Of 2006

10. The Boatswain's Lament

9. Out To Stud

8. The Iraqi Kebab Vendor

7. Monos Enojados

6. Buckskin 'n The Lassooer

5. Team Metallic 2

4. Hosers

3. La tristesse mélancolique de la vie urbaine (The Blahs)

2. The Chapters Of The Elf-Dragon Saga, Section IV-B: The Chieftain Of The Magick-Cloak

1. Tiny (restored director's cut)

Other Beer Labels Rejected By The State Of Maine

Kris Kringle's All-Nude Pale Ale

Rudolph's Tobacco Lager

Mrs. Claus' Handgun Porter

Jack Frost Drives Without Wearing A Seat Belt Pilsner

Rumored, Yet Unlikely, Trade Offers For Manny Ramirez

Chicago Cubs
Mark Prior, one thousand baseballs, and a date with Morganna, The Kissing Bandit

New York Knicks
Malik Rose, Kelvin Cato, and first round draft picks in 2008 and 2009

Orlando Griffins Rugby Football Club
Chadwick Edmondson and a case of Bud Light

General Electric
Michael Neal and The Mummy

Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC)
600 kilos of cocaine and negotiating rights with Rojas Valderama